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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).