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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!