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To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
For Christmas I just want summer...
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...