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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.