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Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I believe in love at first episode.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!