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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.