Daily Silly Status

I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.

If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.

Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.

My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.

I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.

We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.

Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.

My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.

My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.

I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.

Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"

Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.

Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.