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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria