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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.