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The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?