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Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.