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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.