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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Autocorrect changed "you`re so wise" to "you`re so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
How long does it take to get obsessed?
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?