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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.