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Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
Iām always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.