Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
I flunked anger management class.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.