Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.