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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords