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I like the part of the day when food happens.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.