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It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.