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I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
Iām giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." ā my brain when I see a box of donuts
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.