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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
I like people... From a distance.
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.