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My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.