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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.