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Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-