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SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.