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I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.