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I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."