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Iām not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.