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I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”