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Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.