Daily Silly Status

You make me want to be a better class of psycho.

They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.

Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.

Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.

Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.

Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.

If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?

Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.

I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.

Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.

Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely

Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?

If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.

I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge

My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer