Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.