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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?