Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.