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There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.