Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
I saw that! - Karma
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?