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My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?