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And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
Your things are terrific.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.