Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm