Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.