Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Smooth move.........ExLax
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.