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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.