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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
i like boobs