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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.