Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
Survival rule #1: You go first.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.