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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.