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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Save water, shower together.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.