Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
I am the bestest at the English language...
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.