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On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.