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Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?