Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
´s status message is better than yours
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.