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If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.