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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
I put the pro in inappropriate.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.