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The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.