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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.