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If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!