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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert