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The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
How Big is Infinity?