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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I need a partner in wine.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.