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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We`ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.