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People that walk behind cars get exhausted
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.