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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.