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Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.