Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
Party like you will never be invited to another!
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"