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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
β€œPeople will believe anything if you whisper it.”
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.