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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.