Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?