Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.