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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.