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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...