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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending Iām being possessed by the devil is not funny.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.