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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."