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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.