Daily Silly Status

Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too

10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.

Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.

Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.

The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone

Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.

Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.

I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.

Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.

I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason

Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.

Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.

Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!