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Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.