Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?