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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers