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School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"
Reincarnation is my only hope.