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I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants