Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5