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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.