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What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5