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Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
SOCIAL WORKER: cop without a gun, judge without a gavel.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops