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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button